Write Clearly

A sentence from this article on Inc. caught my eye — “The Killer App on Apple Vision Pro is Business” https://www.inc.com/jason-aten/the-killer-app-on-vision-pro-is-business.html.

The author, Jason Aten, writes “For example, Apple mentioned how “SAP Analytics Cloud helps streamline the process of gathering, integrating, analyzing, and presenting data-driven insights to enhance business decision-making.” I’ll be honest that I’m not entirely sure what all of that means, but if you do, it sounds like the kind of thing that would be very useful.” (emphasis added).

I understood how SAP helps because I’ve seen this business speak for years. Unfortunately, I used to write in this manner earlier in my career ☹️. I completely get how most people would agree with Jason.

Here’s how I would have written the first sentence- SAP Analytics Cloud helps you make better business decisions by simplifying the gathering and analysis of data.

Sure, I leave out “gathering”, “presenting”, and “data-driven insights” and that’s fine — less is more. Cutting back the sentence length greatly increases the likelihood that your message will get across. And that should be your #1 priority. What good is including “gathering”, etc. if no one gets what you’re saying?

The original version is bogged down by trying to make sure every single point is covered. Using fewer words will force you to focus on the most important points you want to make. And once you’ve conveyed the most important information, you can always add more sentences to give additional info.

I believe Jason would get my version, he would understand what is SAP Analytics Cloud and how it is beneficial to users. What about you?

Less is more!